I know how to work a room.
I excel in the art of small talk and friendly conversations. I truly enjoy engaging with people and making others happy. This is partly due to my Southern hospitality roots, growing up throwing parties and learning how to be a good host. Also, I love to laugh and smile and I have a good sense of humor. I feel good when I make others happy. I am not talking about being a people pleaser or pushover – anyone who knows me knows that is not the case. But truly making someone smile or laugh – well, that’s just gold to me.
Connecting with people is a large part of my job. In business, it is all our jobs to some extent.
My first leadership role was as a manager at a casual dining restaurant. The Chief Operating Officer for the restaurant group required 100% table checks, where a manager would stop by every table to check on the guests’ experiences. The standard we often hear of “is everything ok?” was not enough. He would say, “Dorie, who wants to be just ‘ok’?” That really stuck with me as an overall leadership principle, more on that another day. Since I couldn’t lean on a throwaway phrase, I had to learn how to approach every table in a positive, yet disarming manner. This helped me develop the skillset where I could read the cues, pick up on the tone and body language, and respond in a way that improved their experience.
Now I use those skills at every corporate event. Ultimately, I see every event, especially client parties, as a work function. Don’t get me wrong – I have fun, but I also recognize that I am working. After all, work and fun are not mutually exclusive. I can walk up to anyone at a party, easily start a conversation, chat a bit, and gracefully exit. I know I made them smile and that I left them happier than I found them, even if just for a moment. I made an impression, and hopefully that impression helps them think positively about my organization.
Some people may think I am insincere. That it’s fake or superficial. But I really did enjoy talking to a client about how good the fruit cobbler was at the party. And I truly thought it was funny that the band happened to start singing “I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In” as soon as I walked in the room. Cheesy? Yes. Funny? Also, yes. I waved my hands high in the air, stopped at the closest table and said, “now tell me why he JUST started singing that when I came in”.
At my core, I am an introvert. Newer definitions classify me as a social introvert or an extroverted introvert, but I am definitely an introvert. I absolutely must take breaks to recharge my batteries. And when I have done my job and worked the room, I am truly done…in my pajamas and room service ordered within 5 minutes of getting to the hotel. Am I the person who will meet you for a drink after the party? No thanks. “Meet at the bar?” Not me, but y’all have fun.
While it may seem natural – it’s because I developed that skill. I have an innate good nature and strong empathy skills and I invested in increasing those skills. I developed and fine-tuned those communication skills so that they became like second nature. In the technology industry, I have used those skills every day for the last 25 years.
Here is what I have learned:
- Walk the entire room – make at least 2 rounds of every floor and every room. Make eye contact as you walk through with a natural and welcoming smile. If you see someone alone or looking bored, stop by and say “hi”. Don’t worry – they won’t trap you.
- Read the body language. If the group of people is deep in conversation, keep moving. I have unintentionally interrupted people before. It is a risk. Just apologize for interrupting and move on.
- Walk up to people and make a connection with a simple comment or question. For me, I have to get deeper than “Are you having a nice time?” That is too generic and seems forced, so I use the environment or experience as prompts. Keep it simple; it doesn’t have to be deeply insightful.
- Give them a chance to respond. Then ask if they are having fun, if they are enjoying the conference, etc.
- Move on. They don’t want you to stay all night either.
- Make sure to connect with clients and colleagues both. This is an opportunity to build relationships internally and externally. And if you lead a team, make sure you go to them. Don’t make them come to you.
- Don’t worry; you do not need to chat with every group or table. It’s not a receiving line.
- If you are an introvert, plan ahead and charge your social battery before the event.
Hopefully these tips will provide you with a map to grow your mingling skills. For anyone I have talked to at a party, please know that I truly enjoyed our conversation. I hope you did too.
And seriously, what is with the tiny ice cream bowls?